Digital Objects vs Offline Objects at LAM
Buying BDSM, Fetish objects-comparing Online and offline:
The majority of buyers and store holders interviewed, identified that they much preferred buying BDSM, Fetish and Kink objects offline at LAM, as opposed to online market websites. Whether an object was bought online through a website, or offline at LAM, ultimately depended on the specificity and materiality of the objects intended to be purchased.
Buying objects such as impact toys, floggers, and latex clothing at LAM, was desirable for allowing a diverse range of buyers to touch, feel and understand these objects before deciding to procure them. As BDSM, Kink and Fetish communities are frequently misunderstood, stereotyped and stigmatised, participants highlighted that through bodily and sensory engagement, BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects grew less scary and more normative.
Purchasing BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects offline not only allowed buyers to more easily custom design the form and aesthetic of their objects of choice, ensuring they were exactly what they desired. But also helped participants avoid what was described as the general risks of buying online, including issues of size, improper materials and anonymity.
For some participants, the buying of BDSM, Fetish and Kink objects was not the most important aspect of their experience at LAM. Rather, through workshops, collaborations and the shared knowledge of practitioners and storeholders, LAM also enables buyers to imaginatively engage with the wider BDSM, Fetish and Kink community and its material culture.
" BDSM is a very expensive habit, especially if you’re a rubberist like I am, that’s a whole other ball game actually! When I come to LAM I have a look round the stalls, I try things out. I usually try and find out from the owner if they actually make their own kit, or if they’re just buying on and so on. If you’re going to be using something on someone and you’re going to be using it to a certain skill level, like suspension bondage or something like that, then you want to make sure you know it’s been manufactured properly.
Cause I mean you usually go up to a store and just say ‘hey!’ can I just try this? And you can feel its proper leather, or proper rubber, or a piece of steel. Instead of going online and saying I’ll take a bit of a risk here, even though this thing costs like 50 quid and I’m not really happy with it. You soon learn that because it’s so expensive, and because society is very like secretive about this stuff, you instantaneously just go oh well!, I’m just going to go to the market where I can actually talk to these people face to face and know with some certainty, that they wouldn’t be here all the time, every time, if they could sell you rubbish rather than proper quality materials." (Daniel, buyer)
Depends on what objects:
Rather than simply saying that most BDSM, Fetish and Kink objects prefered to be bought offline at LAM, buyers and store-holders suggested that they chose to buy equiptment online or offline, depending on the specific form and material of the objects they intend to buy.
Whereas more custom, robust intimate materials were usually bought at LAM, other simple, more adaptable and disposable items tended to be bought online.
" It depends what you’re looking for, if you’re looking for simple stuff like handcuffs you could buy it online, but when you get to LAM you can actually try something. And you might think a fur handcuff is comfy, but when you actually try it on, its not that nice" (Lisa, buyer)
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"Now there are things I would buy online and there are things I wouldn’t. With fetish gear in particular, like so buying stuff for Lucy, she is a different size top half than she is bottom half. So buying clothes online, especially one size clothing, is a f***ing nightmare. Shoes are slightly more predictable, and If they don’t fit you can sometimes deal with it. But toys i would prefer to see in the flesh because you can check the quality and have a play to see what works better." (Darren, Storeholder)
Touch,feel and sensory engagement
In nearly all interviews, it was identified that buying specific BDSM, Fetish and Kink objects offline at LAM importantly allows one to "try before you buy", as Sarah put it. Though being able to touch and feel the material form of something before purchasing is a common criticism of online shopping, some buyers suggested that bodily engagement with an object prior to purchase, is vital in the context of BDSM, Kink and Fetish gear. Most especially impact toys and more personal objects. Those who identified as submissive of bottom, particularly wanted to know the feel of something before paying.
Others suggested that it was difficult to get the same sort of objects and quality of materials online compared to LAM and was viewed as good as better value for money.
“I much prefer buying stuff when I can feel it, and see it, and have a look at it and try it on. If I buy anything online i'll spend less as theres more risk of not liking it or it not being good quality. I have seen stuff around here that ive then gone on to buy online once Ive tried it, but I like being able to feel stuff and touch stuff!”( Jo, buyer)
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“Here you can feel em, you can feel the weight, and especially with impact toys it’s how they feel in your hand. Cause I’m a bottom, so it’s not necessarily how they feel in my hand, that adds to it for me, but it also removes the “‘oh’ it looks really scary!” – (Kat, buyer)
Custom made:
Many buyers highlighted the value of custom made BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects.
By engaging face to face with the store- holders, their objects, and others at LAM, buyers were assured they could get ‘exactly’ what they wanted and could access a range of situated and objectified knowledges of the BDSM, Kink and Fetish scene.
Compared to purchasing similar objects online, buyers reported that talking to the store holders themselves, as opposed to a faceless company, ensured that they were receiving a ‘proper’ or ‘genuine’ BDSM Kink or Fetish object, and not buying “copies of copies” (Sam, buyer) or something that would quickly disappoint. Having felt and touched the objects on display, buyers suggested that being able to ask questions about specific items with store- holders who “knew what they were doing” (Lucy), not only confirmed whether this object was right for them; but translated how best to use it, where it had come from, what materials it was made of, and if any aspects could be changed to suit ones kinky self-more accurately, even in ways previously unimagined.
"LAM is about people coming together to get exactly what they want, so I spend very little time buying stuff online because I need to touch it, to feel it , cause I want that connection, and without that connection to the toy , it doesn’t actually have any appeal for me. I mean I can cruise website till it’s going out of fashion, but I’m not actually going to the stage of putting stuff into a shopping cart because I might want it in a different material, a different colour, I might want it larger or smaller, or I might want an additional accessory. And therefore, I wanna kinda sit down and work with the guys who make it. It’s about looking at your life and saying actually I want exactly that. I don’t necessarily want something that’s close to it, or similar, I actually want optimised!
It’s kind of everyone’s kink, so you look at a garment and, say it’s a latex dress, and you go Oh my god! I love the cut of that, but I want it in purple with black strips, I want it in transparent latex, or, I want that, but with an extra set of straps or buckles. Actually if you want everything that’s in your mind generated ,it’s going to have to be bespoke and there’s a number of my toys that I couldn’t get anywhere else in the world, because no one makes a dildo hilt that goes on a sword. 90% of my collection is custom, when your dealing with peoples fantasies and desires it has to be." (John, LAM crew)
For some buyers, their desire for such personalised and customised objects meant they had no choice but to liaise with store holders at LAM. Many generic websites just didn’t stock or make what they wanted and approaching specialist websites took days of confusing email correspondence and was usually dearer.
In contrast to viewing digital representations of these objects on online market websites, engaging with store holders over time also helped buyers to work out the subtle differences between similar objects. In picking up two similar objects and speaking to store-holders, buyers could view the different colours and metals and tangibly identify the differences between them.
Furthermore, buyers identified the “personality” (Jess) in objects exchanged offline at LAM. These objects were said to provide a more authentic experience and implied online digital representations of these objects, aswell as the material forms produced after clicking BUY, were not always perceived as ‘real’ as those as LAM.
Throughout interviews and attending LAM over time, it became apparent that buyers and store-holders practiced a slight rejection of globalised mass produced and mass consumed BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects. The materiality, form and potential use of these objects not only meant they entered different spheres of exchange with different rules, but also meant they could be constructed as specific, custom and personable. Buyers also noticed that store-holders rarely pushed them to buy their products, and instead encouraged more of a conversation with customers and more equal relationships with other store-holders. In contrast, many of the online stores use cookies, send consistent emails and push sold new items. These online stores, viewed as abiding to the neoliberal laws of globalised mass consumption, rarely offered the “exact” and “optimised” BDSM, Fetish and Kink ojects desired by buyers. Sometimes things bought online were ok, close or similar but when fulfilling fantasies and imagination this was not enough. These things need to be exact, specfic, custom and bespoke, down to the smallest detail.
risks and issUes of buying online
“Someone was saying upstairs about certain places not allowing certain items to be sold online because of things being so sensitive. So, things like sensual play, like knives and whatever you can use, you’re not allowed to sell on eBay anymore. And other things like adult products. They’ve had to move to places like Etsy, which a lot of people still don’t know exist strangely, because eBay and amazon won’t sell certain stuff. I guess it limits things. Whereas here it won’t, because it’s all here.” (Lucy, buyer)
"We need resources that make it easier to find it. We know these things as we are in the Kink community, but in the wider vanilla world, um if your curious about these things, the first place you come across is people like Lovehoney and Bondara and Anne Summers, and they may not provide you with the best experience, and certainly not the best quality. Some of it can be just fine. But as often as not you can spend the same amount o money on something that is well crafted and is made by someone and you know, isn’t the face of a corporation” (John, buyer)
The preference for buying BDSM, Fetish and Kink objects offline at LAM was also framed in terms of the issues and risks associated with buying these items online. Buyers expressed frustration that some of the digital representations of BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects on online websites, were inaccurate or difficult to comprehend in terms of size and materials.
While some of these issues were viewed as a general risk of buying items online, it was noticed that BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects in particular, enter into less normative spheres of value and therefore require different rules of exchange. Not being able to return certain intimate items to online retailers was therefore a strong deterring factor to buying online, and was often contrasted with LAM store holder’s enthusiastic willingness to fix, amend or replace any objects that aren’t fulfilling their intended use.
Some interviewee’s suggested buying offline at lam was even more anonymous and less deceitful to oneself than going through an online website. Packages of BDSM, Kink and Fetish items could be intercepted by interrogating housemates, whereas attending LAM meant buyers could browse freely, pick up objects, ask questions without judgement, and pack their items away into a conventional bag at the end of the day.
Not only were generic websites viewed as faceless corporations, but were also identified as reinforcing complicated stereotypes such as Fifty Shades of Grey, porn star appearing models, and other inaccurate representation of the BDSM, Kink and Fetish community. Both buyers and store holders stated that it was depressing that most people’s first experience of the community tends to be mediated through such inaccurate and misleading digital representations. For some interviewees therefore, attending LAM was less about purchasing objects, and more about engaging with the BDSM, Fetish and Kink community and its material culture as a whole. Able to touch and feel the objects on display, question store-holders about the objects life histories, and customise objects with little hassle, buyers practice a re-appropriation of BDSM, Kink and Fetish objects, away from inaccurate stereotypes and towards it being just something they do, as part of their community.
“Getting hands on, getting to actually see the length of something. The first ever thing I bought before any of this was on eBay and on eBay it looked great, it looked perfect and then it arrived and was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I looked at the picture and was like its misleading but its accurate! Urgh!” (Jay, buyer)
"On amazon, fetish clothing for women is so cheap. But its like the inconsistency is like mad, you’ll buy like the exact same size but they’ll be like 3 different items and then like each one will be a different size. Like its mad. I'm like what is this size! I wanted to wear it this weekend." (Laura, buyer)
“You go online, and you’ve got those very traditional obstacles to buying something: how big is it? You say its 3 inches but are you talking about 3 inches from there or from there? When you’re thinking about buying a butt plug, you really wanna see what your gonna put up there. You know. You want to be able to go ‘ok’, that is sort of like what I’ve got already. That will be fine!” (Peter, LAM crew)
“Getting hands on, getting to actually see the length of something. The first ever thing I bought before any of this was on eBay and on eBay it looked great, it looked perfect and then it arrived and was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I looked at the picture and was like its misleading but its accurate! Urgh!” (Jay, buyer)
TWINE
Click on the red button below to follow the twine tour. This aims to help you make your own choice over whether to buy specific BDSM, Kink or Fetish objects online or offline.